This morning a friend from South America shared a video on Facebook of doctors and nurses in an Israeli hospital, sporting head to toe protective gear, dancing to the rhythm of Israeli music. The caption? "Israeli medical staff celebrates Covid-19 farewell". It made me so mad.
The video was probably made as part of our recent independence day celebration and not as a celebration of the end of the pandemic. Doctors and nurses are NOT celebrating the end of Corona, because even though Israel has weathered the corona virus storm better than most countries, the virus is far from gone. The video made mad because this type of false information, of false sense of security and hope, makes people take their guard down and act selfishly and recklessly, leading to an inevitable second wave of the virus. But mostly, it made me mad because today I sent my daughter to school for the first time in almost two months wearing a mask. Israel opened schools partially, with only 1st through 3rd graders attending in groups of up to 15 kids. There were strict instructions for drop off and pick up, we had to sign an affidavit of health, she had to bring alcohol-gel and disinfectant wipes. I spent all night debating whether I should send her; balancing thoughts of fear thinking the government was opening schools not because it was safe but because the economy needed to be restarted, with thoughts about it being time, about how we can't keep everything closed for a year or two (that's how long they are predicting this whole thing will last). So you see, we are not celebrating the end of any pandemic in Israel and there is nothing "normal" about what we have started to go back to. There is nothing normal about sending your kid to school wearing a mask, nervous of whether you made the right choice.
And then there's the issue of "normal", of "going back to normal". Do we really want to go back? Back to running like a chicken with its head cut off, rushing to drop them off at school so you can get to the office, and back so you can pick them up in time and take them to gymnastics or tennis or whatever extracurriculars they have to go to? Back to pushing each other in supermarket lines? I for one am not ready. I do want to go to the beach or the pool, I want to hug my friends, I want to travel for work and on holiday, I want this damn virus to be gone, but go back? Not so much. I've enjoyed the slower pace of my day, I've enjoyed baking with my kids, and having a much more manageable work/life balance.
So as we continue to navigate this ordeal and the government slowly eases restrictions, I can't help but think: "What do I want the rest of my life to look like and how do I design my new normal?"
I threw a tantrum today. Like a 2 year old, I stomped my feet, screamed and cried. And for something a 2 year old would cry. I was making breakfast and the yolk of my fried egg burst and I screamed, went mad crazy and cried. And I blamed my poor husband who wasn't even in the kitchen. I blamed him for not being in the kitchen, because he makes better fried eggs than I do and had he been in the kitchen this would not have happened, so clearly, it was all his fault. And he was graceful. He took the spatula and finished breakfast while I sat there on the kitchen table. And you know what? I guess it's ok to lose it every once in a while and it's ok to be vulnerable. Because we are all going through a really tough time, one of those tough times kids will learn about in history class 100 years from now, and we all need to cope in whatever way works for us, and sometimes, that means others in our family need to be the adult while the other one cries like a baby.
This has been a tough week. Not for me, for the world. And while it does make it better knowing we are all on the same boat, because the level of sympathy and understanding is great, it sucks that we are all living through this. It sucks that there is no visible end on the horizon. Every time the President gives a press conference it's to strengthen the rules of the lockdown. And the numbers keep rising. We've been cooped up for a week and the numbers are still rising! An entire neighborhood in our city is under quarantine, the streets were sprayed down with some kind of disinfectant, the streets are empty, the stores are closed, and the numbers keep rising.
This whole situation feels surreal. The last week is a blur. I don't even know what day of the week it is as I shower every morning only to change into a clean pair of sweats. But I also realize how lucky I am and how much I have to be grateful for. And maybe in times like this we need to lower our standards of the things we are grateful for. So here's my list, low standards and all:
- I'm grateful for the opportunity to live in a country where the government is taking strong measures to contain the pandemic before it's too late.
- I'm thankful that the people I get to be locked in with don't drive me up the wall.
- I'm grateful that I finally got to see the bottom of both my laundry baskets.
- I'm grateful for the walks around the block we are still allowed to take (as long as we are 2 meters apart from other people we may encounter on the road)
- I'm grateful for cake and cookies. Because in times like this, a little sweet can go a long way.
- I'm thankful for not having to wear jeans, because I don't think they'd button with all the crap I've been eating.
- I'm grateful for the extra hour of sleep now that there is no school drop off and commute.
- I'm grateful for my job, because not only do I have work to do that keeps me busy and my mind occupied, but because the company has been incredibly understanding of the fact that with kids around and anxiety lurking, we may not be able to work the same way we normally do.
- I'm thankful for being able to manage my expectations and for not letting incomplete to-do lists and not-followed kids' schedules drive me nuts.
- I'm thankful that my gel nails are still decent on their 4th week and my gray hair is not too noticeable.
- I'm thankful for electronics. TV, iPads, phones. Because they keep us connected to the world out there, sure, but mostly because they sedate our kids so that we can have a little quiet.
- I'm thankful for the memes. Oh, so many funny memes. Because nothing brings out the funny in people like a big crisis.
So yeah, sometimes, to survive and to keep our sanity, we need to lower our standards. So I'm not thankful for fancy restaurants, elaborate trips, luxury travels, or pretty clothes. I'm thankful for the little things, and for now, those are the things that make me happy.
