I threw a tantrum today. Like a 2 year old, I stomped my feet, screamed and cried. And for something a 2 year old would cry. I was making breakfast and the yolk of my fried egg burst and I screamed, went mad crazy and cried. And I blamed my poor husband who wasn't even in the kitchen. I blamed him for not being in the kitchen, because he makes better fried eggs than I do and had he been in the kitchen this would not have happened, so clearly, it was all his fault. And he was graceful. He took the spatula and finished breakfast while I sat there on the kitchen table. And you know what? I guess it's ok to lose it every once in a while and it's ok to be vulnerable. Because we are all going through a really tough time, one of those tough times kids will learn about in history class 100 years from now, and we all need to cope in whatever way works for us, and sometimes, that means others in our family need to be the adult while the other one cries like a baby.
This has been a tough week. Not for me, for the world. And while it does make it better knowing we are all on the same boat, because the level of sympathy and understanding is great, it sucks that we are all living through this. It sucks that there is no visible end on the horizon. Every time the President gives a press conference it's to strengthen the rules of the lockdown. And the numbers keep rising. We've been cooped up for a week and the numbers are still rising! An entire neighborhood in our city is under quarantine, the streets were sprayed down with some kind of disinfectant, the streets are empty, the stores are closed, and the numbers keep rising.
This whole situation feels surreal. The last week is a blur. I don't even know what day of the week it is as I shower every morning only to change into a clean pair of sweats. But I also realize how lucky I am and how much I have to be grateful for. And maybe in times like this we need to lower our standards of the things we are grateful for. So here's my list, low standards and all:
- I'm grateful for the opportunity to live in a country where the government is taking strong measures to contain the pandemic before it's too late.
- I'm thankful that the people I get to be locked in with don't drive me up the wall.
- I'm grateful that I finally got to see the bottom of both my laundry baskets.
- I'm grateful for the walks around the block we are still allowed to take (as long as we are 2 meters apart from other people we may encounter on the road)
- I'm grateful for cake and cookies. Because in times like this, a little sweet can go a long way.
- I'm thankful for not having to wear jeans, because I don't think they'd button with all the crap I've been eating.
- I'm grateful for the extra hour of sleep now that there is no school drop off and commute.
- I'm grateful for my job, because not only do I have work to do that keeps me busy and my mind occupied, but because the company has been incredibly understanding of the fact that with kids around and anxiety lurking, we may not be able to work the same way we normally do.
- I'm thankful for being able to manage my expectations and for not letting incomplete to-do lists and not-followed kids' schedules drive me nuts.
- I'm thankful that my gel nails are still decent on their 4th week and my gray hair is not too noticeable.
- I'm thankful for electronics. TV, iPads, phones. Because they keep us connected to the world out there, sure, but mostly because they sedate our kids so that we can have a little quiet.
- I'm thankful for the memes. Oh, so many funny memes. Because nothing brings out the funny in people like a big crisis.
So yeah, sometimes, to survive and to keep our sanity, we need to lower our standards. So I'm not thankful for fancy restaurants, elaborate trips, luxury travels, or pretty clothes. I'm thankful for the little things, and for now, those are the things that make me happy.
